Just a LIttle Fun

[cjs]

See what ya'all have to look forward to?? Who says old farts can't find fun things to do?

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What do retired people do all day?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went down town and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I said to him, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "person." He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in '08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
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It's funny except for taking "my Hilary's" name in vain....yes, folks, I be a bleeding heart liberal to my husband and children's eternal "compassionate conservative" shame.

[labradors]

Received this in email a long time ago:

Quote:

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A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his GPS and replied, “You are in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.

“You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

“You must be a republican,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”

The man responded, “You must be a democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

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[cjs]

HUMPFF!!! (or something like that... )

[luvnit]

I like that. <<<<<<applause>>>>>> Bravo!

[Harborwitch]

. . . and here's a little more fun we can have!

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity


At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

Don t use any punctuation

Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

Sing Along At The Opera or at the Too Short concert.

Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[Mare749]

Those are all good! Wish I had one to post, but I forget to save the good ones. It's great to laugh, isn't it?

Maryann

[luvnit]

Top 10 Things to say if you are caught sleeping at work...


10) ”They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”

9) ”This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.”

8)”Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!”

7) ”I wasn’t sleeping! I was thinking about the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.”

6) ”I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”

5) ”I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?”

4) ”Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

3) ”The coffee machine is broken…”

2) ”Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot…”

1) immediately say, ”…..in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”

[labradors]

Quote:

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Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

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What I do is to wait for the waitress to say, "...and my name is [whatever] if you need anything," to which I reply, "...and what is your name if we don't need anything?"

[MUSICMAKER]

Cute, Lab! Cute! That's a keeper!

[labradors]

Quote:

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Cute, Lab! Cute! That's a keeper!

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What can I say? I inherited it. My dad's line is, at the end of the meal, when the server asks how everything was. Then, he will point to some little speck of sauce (or whatever) left on the plate and say, "I didn't like THAT piece." LOL!