Forgive me please
#11
  Re: (...)
I didn't realize how long it had been since I had spent any time here. I've been spending a lot of time at my two sick friends houses. My friend with the kidney disease came close to committing suicide and I've been spending lots of time with him. As many of you know, years ago when I first became HIV+ it was a death sentence and I tried the suicide route twice. Luckily I failed both times. So, I've been talking to my friend a lot about hope, friendships, etc. My other friend with Hepititis C isn't doing well either, so I've been spending time with her too. I decided I needed some time away so came to visit my lil' sis; but, I do call them both every day. As I told Maryann, maybe this is why I failed in both my attempts and what I was meant to do in my time here on earth.

Love y'all and will try to at least say hi every day.
Don't wait too long to tell someone you love them.

Billy
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#12
  Re: Forgive me please by bjcotton (I didn't realize how...)
We are all so glad you are hear Billy. You are definitely a bright spot on this forum, as well you are to the people whose lives you touch.

You are a wonderful man, and a great friend to many.
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."
Laura
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#13
  Re: Re: Forgive me please by luvnit (We are all so glad y...)
Billy, I am so glad to see you on. It is wonderful that your friends have such a great friend in you. But I can't blame you for taking a break. You have set yourself a tremendous task in helping your friends....stressful, draining work. Look at as a time to recharge.

I'm glad you are taking time to take care of you. You are a valued member of this family, but I understand your mission and admire you for it. Thanks for sharing and I will add your friends to my prayers. You are already on the list. I care very deeply for my cyber family and pray regularly that He will guide, guard and direct you all.
Daphne
Keep your mind wide open.
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#14
  Re: Forgive me please by bjcotton (I didn't realize how...)
You brought tears to my eyes. You are such a special friend and a treasure to all those you love, and who love you. I hope John is feeling better about life now. I know you'll convince him that life is worth living! Plenty of time for the ol' "dirt nap" later, much much later.

We love you Sweetie!
You only live once . . . but if you do it right once should be enough!
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#15
  Re: Forgive me please by bjcotton (I didn't realize how...)
You're right about the hope; that's the key. We've dealt with that and know that people who reach the point where they are willing to take their lives have lost all hope and can see no light at the end of the tunnel. Your experience may well
make the greatest difference in encouraging them. (I know you know that.) I think the good Lord uses most people who've been through terrible times to help others when their tough times come. Bless you, Billy J.

And we like your presence here, too.

I, too, will put your friends on my prayer list.
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#16
  Re: Re: Forgive me please by sophia (You're right about t...)
"Your experience may well make the greatest difference in encouraging them. (I know you know that.) I think the good Lord uses most people who've been through terrible times to help others when their tough times come."

Sophia, you are so right. When William learned about his brain tumors, he was told they were cancerous and had metastasized from cancer in another area of his body. He lost his mother to cancer so he flipped out immediately. The next day, he took his hunting dogs to the pound. That afternoon, I found him burning the ditch. When I asked him why he was doing that, he said that YS would not be able to keep it mowed, so he was going to burn it to make it easier to keep up the yard. He had totally given up. After getting the good news that the tech was wrong, and the tumor was operable, he has made it his mission in life to help others he meets to deal with the tragedies and trials in their lives. It has been a rewarding experience for both of us.

BTW, those concerned about the dogs, they are living the good life at the camp. A good friend rescued them immediately and another friend with dogs of his own took them in for the season. The same friend took YS hunting with his daddy's dogs throughout that hunting season.

Okay, I'm crying again.

So Billy, you keep up with your mission....whether you realize it or not, you are making a difference. I know you make a difference here!
Daphne
Keep your mind wide open.
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#17
  Re: Forgive me please by bjcotton (I didn't realize how...)
Wow Billy!

I had no idea what you were/are going through. I, for one, am glad you're still with us!! And I'm sure those troops you just sent some care packages are appreciative!

Have you read any books that inspired you to continue your life's journey? If so, which ones would you recommend?

I have a morbidly obese older brother (55) that was just in ICU for 37 days. He has been a smoker since his teens and drinks more than he should. He was taken to the emergency room after experiencing a lot of sweating and shortness of breath. Turns out, he had blood clots breaking off in his legs and traveling to God knows where. They put a breathing tube down his throat and sedated him. Every day the nurses would wake him up, have him cough whatever crap he could out of his lungs, then sedate him back to sleep. He had a trache done to help him breathe on his own again.

Last week he got transferred to a "step down" hospital - less than ICU, but still intensive care.

We visited last Sunday and he really seemed in good spirits, even though he's been off the anti-depressants since the duration. He's committed to losing another 150 lbs (already down 100) and to cut back on red meat, become a veggie - but still eat fish - and he's done with smoking.

I'm thrilled he's got a new perspective to his life, but I just don't know how to support him, you know, with the encouragement - the words and all. And even though he was in a good mood, it only takes one thought, a split second for that to swing to the other side.

It'll be a long journey for him, but we all (family) want him to make it. What would you recommend that we can do for him?

Barbara

p.s. If you would like more of Barbara's "Happy Pills" (read: nuts!), just let me know. I'm gearing up to make a few (read 20) pounds.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka.
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#18
  Re: Re: Forgive me please by BarbaraS (Wow Billy![br][br]I ...)
There is nothing to forgive, you dear sweet man! We all miss hearing from you. The forum is more fun when you are around. Now, be sure to treat yourself while you are away. You certainly deserve it for the good that you do!

Maryann
Maryann

"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."
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#19
  Re: Re: Forgive me please by Mare749 (There is nothing to ...)
Barbara, my salvation came/comes from those around me. My sister Fredia was a great inspiration for me and those that continuously tell me they love me. I can only say that a lot of my initial inspiration came from the Dr in the ER when I tried for the second time, him and the County nurse. The Dr. told me that if I wanted to live he would do everything and anything in his power to help me and if I didn't want to live then not to bother seeing him again since he had too many people that did want to live. The County nurse visited me at home 4 or 5 times a week and would just sit and talk to me, didn't matter about what, just talking. My HIV cells have come down from almost 1 million count to undetectable (below 400). My T-cells have gone from almost 0 to 750 which is about normal. I am a most fortunate man, even with all the illnesses I've gone through. I was a very heavy drinker at one time also, one day as I was making my first toddy of the day, I took a sip and thought, "This stuff tastes like poop!" Can't stand the taste of alcohol anymore. I rarely think of either the alcohol or the HIV anymore, it's just something that is no longer important.

As you can tell, I have no problem discussing how I feel.

Love to you all,
Don't wait too long to tell someone you love them.

Billy
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#20
  Re: Re: Forgive me please by bjcotton (Barbara, my salvatio...)
Billy, that is a miracle in the making! He definitely has a plan for you...look and mostly listen! I would love to share your story. Would you be willing to share the whole thing in a pm? I would love to share it to a few people that are hopeless. I can not believe your story! You are an inspiration! I know some of it, but don't know it all. I know at least 3 people who would benfit from your story.
Daphne
Keep your mind wide open.
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