Posts: 12,139
Threads: 28
Joined: Nov 2006
10-27-2009, 06:22 PM
Re: (...)
I'll start, please join in!
"I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him."
(Reader's Digest Nov. 2009)
Maryann
"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."
Posts: 20,453
Threads: 1
Joined: Nov 2007
I'm terrible with jokes.
Daphne
Keep your mind wide open.
Posts: 2,377
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2008
No joke but I always told the kids that came to the door that our cat was really a dog dressed up like a cat. They laughed. My cat does come when called. ok, one out of six of them does!
Theresa
Everything tastes better Alfresco!
Posts: 2,377
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2008
Ok, here is a joke. This guy wanted to be a ghost for Halloween but he couldn't. Guess why?
Cuz no one gave a "sheet"
oooops, can I tell that one? will Jean delete me or send me to my room? It's the beer talking to aleve the toothace.
Theresa
Everything tastes better Alfresco!
Posts: 8,576
Threads: 17
Joined: Jul 2007
One rainy, windy night, a man was walking home alone, down a dark, deserted street that ran right by the local cemetery.
As he passed the gates, he heard a bump in the darkness behind him. Not daring to look back, he quickened his pace. But, the bumping noise continued behind him.
He stopped and turned to see what it was. Coming down the road behind him was a coffin, standing on end, bumping from side to side - BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.
The man, terrified for his life, turned and ran into the driving rain. Behind him, the coffin came faster - BUMP, BUMP, BUMP! Ahead of him, there was a branch that had fallen from a tree. He reached down and grabbed it as he ran by. Still running, he turned and threw it over his shoulder at the coffin - but it just splintered when it hit the coffin and the coffin continued coming faster - BUMPITY, BUMPITY, BUMPITY!
The man turned the corner onto his street and ran through his front gate, the coffin right behind him. His splitting axe was resting against his woodpile so he snagged it, turned, and gave a mighty two-handed throw sending it end over end right at the coffin. SMASH! - the axe shattered on the unnaturally strong wood of the coffin, which continued after him.
The man dashed into his house, but the coffin crashed through the front door. The man ran upstairs and grabbed his shotgun off the wall display. He blasted the coffin with both barrels, but the shot bounced harmlessly off the coffin as it continued up the stairs - BUMP, CLOMP, BUMP, CLOMP!
The man, desperate and scared to death, jumped into the bathroom and locked the door - knowing it would do no good. The coffin banged against the door, once ..., twice ..., and on the third time, the door exploded and the coffin came forward.
In desperation the man reached out his hand and grabbed whatever he could. All that was there was a bottle of Robitussin so he threw it at the coffin.
The bottle shattered, the Robitussin ran all over the box of death, and then...
... the coffin stopped.
If blueberry muffins have blueberries in them, what do vegan muffins have?
Posts: 12,139
Threads: 28
Joined: Nov 2006
Maryann
"Drink your tea slowly and reverently..."
Posts: 2,377
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2008
awesome, Rob, I did not see that one coming!
Theresa
Everything tastes better Alfresco!
Posts: 2,354
Threads: 3
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 20,453
Threads: 1
Joined: Nov 2007
That's funny, Labs!
Daphne
Keep your mind wide open.
Posts: 8,576
Threads: 17
Joined: Jul 2007
That's not original with me. In fact, I received it in email about seven years ago, but it is still one of the best. Here's another I found more recently:
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe’s bar for some
time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender.
One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through
the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when Gabe
slammed the door, severing the cat’s tail at its base.
This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired
on the spot.
Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.
The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up
after the last customers had gone.
Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat
mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the
tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost: “I can’t. You know the law:I
can’t retail spirits after 2:00 AM.”
If blueberry muffins have blueberries in them, what do vegan muffins have?